Twilight (halfway through)

I am halfway through the book, Twilight, and many times I have felt the urge to throw it across the room. At the halfway point, this book offends my feminist sensibility and romanticizes controlling behaviors that, in my line of work, I have been trained to see as red flags for abuse in relationships. This books makes me so angry. And I am horrified that so many young girls LOVE this book and see the vampire protagonist, Edward, as "dreamy", an ideal boyfriend. Ugh!! I am so tempted to toss it out all together.

The thing that keeps me from doing this is that is that the book belongs to my friends Juli and John. And it's not that I want to take care of things I have borrowed (which I do), but because I have such respect for Juli and John as intelligent, thoughtful, reflective, and feminist people. And they loved the book. And so many other people I know, love, and respect, absolutely LOVE this book, indeed the whole series. My college friend Becky, a feminist and a children's librarian, claims that this is one of the few series she has ever reread. What am I missing here? I am committing myself to finishing the book to answer that very question.

In the meantime, I am wrestling with the intense response this book has provoked in me. Part of my response is cerebral. But much, much more is emotional and personal. And while it is tempting to keep all of that at a distance, to strictly write a rational, feminist evaluation, if I am going to honestly critique this book, without having even finished it, then at least I need to acknowledge the emotional component of my response up front.

So, where to begin? Stephenie Meyer certainly does know her audience. She writes to teenage girls, in the voice of a teenage girl. And she skillfully and exquisitely captures the angst and insecurity, vulnerability and turmoil of adolescence and young love. Her female protagonist, Bella, doubts her abilities, lacks confidence, and sees herself as clumsy, dumpy, and ordinary. Just like I did. Didn't you? And Bella becomes infatuated with beautiful, brilliant, strong, and mysterious Edward, who happens to be a vampire. Talk about the ultimate bad boy. But Edward doesn't always play like the bad boy. He's becomes Bella's knight in shining armor, her savior. Again and again, he saves her life, proving that he is really a good guy, despite that pesky little thirst for human blood thing. And Edward doesn't want to be bad. He struggles with his own nature. He's a tortured soul, who longs for human contact and he turns to Bella, who is the only person who can truly know him and who can save him from himself. He sees beyond her perceived ordinariness to the exception wisdom, beauty, and mystery she possesses.

A perfect romance, eh? The beautiful, tortured boy saves the plain, ordinary girls from great evil (and mundane living), and she in turns saves him from his a loneliness and through her love, helps him to find himself. It's what every teenage girl dreams, right? I know I did. Bella becomes hopelessly weak and reckless in her infatuation. And she doesn't show the strength or backbone I would want her to show. She gets all ga-ga and stupid. But every girl does that. As my friend Jen states, "Weren't we all a little dysfunctional at seventeen?"

But this book, at least the first half, goes beyond the "normal" dysfunction of teenage girls in love. Edward's behavior is consistent with that of an abuser. He professes his desire to keep Bella safe, from danger in the world and from his own nature. On one hand he tells her that she is amazing and strong, and all the while he undermines her confidence. He claims that she is so special and unique that she needs to be protected. Never mind that Bella has done a fine job taking care of herself for seventeen years with absent parents. Suddenly, she is "delicate" and needs the protection only he can offer. And Edward casts everyone around her is a threat to her, even her friends and himself. And so he begins to manipulate her to mistrust her friends and to lie to those around her. Classic abuser behavior. He constantly does this come-closer-pull-away trick, to keep her uncertain of their relationship. Remember, she no longer has friends she can confide in the help her discern what is happening between her and Edward. He is extremely jealous of any attention given to her by other boys or any attention she may show to them, even as friends. Edward constantly tells Bella that he just cannot resist her, that she has such power over him. And he's a stalker. He follows her. He watches her sleeping. He eavesdrops on conversations.

And when Bella finds out, she thinks it's romantic. "Ah, he likes me."

And when teenage girls read this, they think it's romantic. "Ah, he likes her."

And when teenage boys treat teenage girls like this, they think it's romantic. "Ah, he likes me."

But it's not romantic. It's sketchy. It's creepy. It's controlling. It's manipulative. And it's abusive.

My friend Amy, a leader of the Women's Center on our seminary campus, has told me to "hang in there", that Bella develops a backbone and matures as the story progresses. I hope she's right. And I hope that when Stephenie Meyer smartens Bella up, that she will call out Edward's controlling, manipulative behaviors and name them unacceptable. Otherwise she does a great disservice to her readers by framing romance in the terms of these abusive behaviors.

I am continuing to read. And if I feel the need to throw the book while reading it, I will just conjure up any of the Edwards I have known (and loved) in my life and throw the book at them.

books, books, books

I received this meme from my friend Amber, who wrote, "I don't usually do these things, but as this is about books, I couldn't resist." I echo Amber's thoughts...

1) Which book has been on your shelves the longest? Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. I bought it in 4th Grade with the bookstore gift certificate I received as my prize for winning the book writing contest at Silbernagel Elementary.

2) What is your current read, your last read and the book you’ll read next?
Last read: Object Relations Therapy, by Sheldon Cashton.
Current read: The Golden Compass, by Philip Pullman.
Next read: Probably Twilight, since I borrowed it from John and Juli and need to return it.

3) What book did everyone like and you hated? I have known several people who have LOVED Ayn Rand. I have tried reading several of her books - Atlas Shrugged, Fountainhead, and We the Living - and I found them all incredibly boring. Her characters had no depth or believability, merely mouthpieces for her objectivist philosophy. I found her dialogue stilted. I could not finish a one of her books.

4) Which book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t? The Idiot's Guide to Organizing Your Life. I actually have the book on my shelf. Seriously.

5) Which book are you saving for “retirement?” Why would I put off reading a good book? If it's worth reading, it's worth reading now. Or at least when I finish the one I reading now.

6) Last page: read it first or wait til the end? Once, when I was about seven, I happened upon the birthday present my sister had gotten for me (okay, I was snooping in her room - but I was not snooping for my present) and it was so disappointing, not because it wasn't a rad gift (it was - a multicolored notepad with each piece of paper on the last at just a slight angle so it made a funky swirling spiral) but because I didn't have the surprise to look forward to anymore (and I had to fake being surprised later on). So I would NEVER read the last page first. If it's a really good book, I will sometimes actually slow my reading down so I can savor the remaining time the book and I have together.

7) Acknowledgments: waste of ink and paper or interesting aside? Depends. Some authors can make these almost as much fun as the book itself.

8) Which book character would you switch places with? Probably Ista in Paladin of Souls by Lois McMaster Bujold.

9) Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life (a person, a place, a time)? I read Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver when I was living in Nicaragua. Part of the book takes place in Nica. It was fun to read about places and think, "I was just there...". I have read that book a couple of times since returning, mostly because it has the capacity to take me back.

10) Name a book you acquired in some interesting way. I have inherited the theological libraries of two ministers when they retired. I was pretty pleased to acquire Tillich's volumes of Systematic Theology from my pastor who had taken Systematic Theology from Paul Tillich. It has his notes from the class in the margins.

11) Have you ever given away a book for a special reason to a special person? I "loaned" a copy of Deep River by Shusaku Endo to my friend Jason when he went to India. the book takes place in Varanasi, India, and Jason read it in Varanasi. So he didn't want to give it back. In fact, he refused. He was a dear friend, and I could see that the book (which is amazing) was obviously quite meaningful to him (see #9). Finally, I convinced him to let me "borrow" the book back for a while, so I could transfer my notes in the margins to a new copy of the book. He sheepinshly agreed. When I had it back, I saw that he had even scratched out my name and written his own.

12) Which book has been with you to the most places? I guess that would be the Bible, since I have carried at least one copy of it back and forth to camp, college, seminary, and all of the myriad places I have lived.

13) Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad ten years later? I actually enjoyed all of our assigned readings. Some are still among my favorite books of all time (The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird, Grapes of Wrath, etc.). I am looking forward to rereading Canterbury Tales this summer in preparation to my upcoming trip to Canterbury.

14) What is the strangest item you’ve ever found in a book? I like finding receipts from used bookstores from across the country from the used bookstore where I purchased the book. It's fun to imagine the stories the book could tell if it weren't so busy telling the story the author wrote in it.

15) Used or brand new? Used. Or borrowed. Every time I move to a new place, I have a library card within a week.

16) Stephen King: Literary genius or opiate of the masses? I honestly haven't read too much, and I have no strong feelings about him either way.

17) Have you ever seen a movie you liked better than the book? Some. But they were usually not great books to begin with. Forest Gump, The Horse Whisperer, to name a few.

18) Conversely, which book should NEVER have been introduced to celluloid? Oh, there are lots, too many to name. A couple I am worried about a few coming out this year are The Time Traveler's Wife and American Pastoral, both books I loved.

19) Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take? I would have to say Craig. Because he is in the unique position of being able to stack the books he recommends on my night stand. Eventually, I'll get to them.